Shannon has five children (3 bio and 2 foster) and lives in Oberlin.

What do you do to relax?

Play games on my phone, play with my children, watch TV, burn incense/candles or sit outside/go to the park.

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

I have been a foster home for over 5 years and I am currently enrolled at LCCC.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

I have been able to find programs with information that meets my growing family’s needs.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?

The Grab ‘n Go information packets available at the Resource Fairs.

My greatest lesson learned was...

Patience, patience and more patience. Also, be careful whom you trust.

The bad habit I picked up...

During the pandemic, I also had another child of my own. I now struggle with maintaining a true routine within my own home of everyone going to bed on time, having things done by a certain time, etc. The sense of urgency is no longer a thing here since for months we didn’t have to worry about having any timeframe or places to go. As of now, we’re getting much better!

When my child's behavior gets out of control, I feel...

Overstimulated. What I remind myself is their behavior is not a personal reflection of my parenting. I need to take a step back to gather my thoughts and then approach the child differently to try to help them through their difficult or often heavy emotions. Reassuring them that their feelings are validated but let’s communicate them more openly.

Chelsea has two children and lives in Twinsburg.

What do you do to relax?

Craft, garden

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

I am having a really hard time. Parenting a spicy neurodivergent kid is a hard life. I love my kids so much but his behavior has isolated me and I just want us both to enjoy life.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

Connecting for kids has provided a non-biased community of people who are not only like-minded, but share similar experiences in either the same stages or previous stages of life. The resources that this group provides both personally and professionally have been amazing thus far.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?

I really enjoyed the Share & Support adult support group sessions, where we could just share our experiences and bounce off of one another as to what’s going on in our lives, and how we can help one another

What I worry about most…

That my son won’t learn to self-regulate his emotions and struggle his whole life.

When my child's behavior gets out of control, I feel...

Like an absolute failure. Although I know in my heart that I’m doing the very best I can for the both of us it’s still so defeating when these uncontrollable meltdowns happen.

The most difficult part of parenting a child who struggles...

Having to explain to others. It hurts me and my soul having to explain or justify his behaviors to others when I know that he truly is a sweet boy and he’s just trying so hard to figure himself out.

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?

No I look to Connecting for Kids for all the answers ❤

Maria has four children, three grandchildren and lives in Lorain

What do you do to relax?

Watch a movie, take a shower, go outside or listen to music.

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

My children are grown and out of the house, but I have three grandchildren and one on the way – all boys. I get to see two often, one now lives in S Carolina.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

Great information and tips. The CFK newsletter offers lots of opportunities to attend workshops, information on camps, and other opportunities to meet other families as a support. I really enjoy the Resource Fair, there are lots of opportunities to see what resources are available in Lorain County that can be helpful to families.

Whenever I am looking for ideas, I go to the internet and do a Google search. My go to sites are usually the Metroparks and libraries for things to do with them. When I am looking for tips and tricks, I often go to the CFK newsletter for events. I also look through my Facebook page for things that people post. I work for LCCAA Head Start, so I refer to our teachers and my co-workers when I need assistance for my family or other families we serve.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?

The variety of resources and information. I think my favorite resources are the workshops that are given. They give families an opportunity to learn more and it provides a support since the other parents that attend have similar concerns. The Lorain County Resource Fair is awesome, there are lots of resources available that are throughout the county that can assist.

The best way I ask for support…

Is to be open and honest. In order to help your child, you have to admit there is a problem and you must be open to the suggestions. I have seen parents that cannot accept that their child needs help or that their learning process is different from other children, and they continue to struggle. Being able to fight for the help that my child needed, for me, was a success. Even when I couldn't get help, I did my research and worked consistently with my child. As a parent, you must be patient. I had to repeat myself constantly, homework never took 30 minutes, it took hours. My daughter's kindergarten teacher kept giving my daughter sad faces on her papers and it really made me upset. When I spoke to her, she had the nerve to say sad faces were better that giving her an F. What?!?!? From that point on, I lost faith in the school system helping with my struggling child. I had to do my own homework to seek the help they needed. For me, that is what worked.

What I worry about most…

Is how they will be able to succeed confidently. As a mom and grandma, I am always advocating for my children and I work with them to speak for themselves. I worry that when they make a mistake, they will back away and put their head down. They need to keep moving forward and try again, regardless of the judgements and hurt they will feel. I worry that they will quit when it gets too hard. I make it a point to get them to talk about the struggles and to advocate for themselves so that if, and when, they get to that point, they will be able to keep moving forward.

The most difficult part of parenting a child who struggles is…

Learning patience. It is frustrating when you spend so much time working with your child and in 30 minutes, you start all over. My daughter struggled the most. She could not retain certain things and it took a lot of patience to work with her. She was the child that was very quiet and would not ask for help. She could not comprehend or retain math and reading, she struggled. We worked hard every day. I can happily say she graduated high school, got her driver's license and has taken some college classes. She never gave up!

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?

I work at Head Start so I am always researching resources. I like kidshealth.org since it is easy to read and shares good information about a variety of health topics. I also like Sesame Workshop as there are a lot of resources.

Tara has two children and lives in Euclid.

What do you do to relax?

Get a massage and/or take a bath

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

I work full time, attend college full time, and I have two amazing daughters. I recently became a homeowner so I'm adjusting to this new lifestyle. Both of my daughters' needs are very different. My oldest has mental health issues and my youngest is behind educationally. So I'm trying to find a work/life balance and still be able to provide them with the services they need.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

Connecting for kids has brought my family and I hope. It's very refreshing being able to speak with families who are going through the same thing or something similar. I like that I'm able to set up a virtual appointment to speak with someone from Connecting with Kids one-on-one and she can tell me when we last spoke, what our goals were then, what we've accomplished and where we are now. After our phone conversation, I was provided with scholarship and tuition information for summer camps, counseling services that will accept my insurance, grants that I can apply for, and contact information on different therapy's such as art therapy, yoga therapy, and drama therapy for the whole family.

When my child's behavior gets out of control, I feel...

Frustrated in the moment but I know that the feeling is only temporary. My kids and I have a great support system full of amazing family and friends. I love attending the Connecting for Kids programs and support groups that are offered because I love learning new things each and every day. When I was younger, I didn't know what was wrong with me, because we didn't talk about mental health growing up. Now that I'm older, I know that a lot has to do with genetics and DNA. Knowing my family history, I have to be cautious of what goes in our bodies. What we eat and drink can have a huge impact on our everyday life and can determine our mood also. That's why it's important for my family and I to practice self care, healthier eating, and exercising. Each one of us are different and unique in our own way, and once you know yourself that's half the battle.

Believing in myself, knowing that I am strong, I am smart, and I am brave. Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs so I have to be able to trust and believe in myself. I had to remove myself from all negative people, that bring negative energy because it's not healthy for us. Lastly, I have to know that what I'm doing is in the best interest for my kids, myself, my family, and my community.

Ellie has two children and lives in Amherst.

What do you do to relax?

Read

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

My husband and I work full time while raising our family.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

The Facebook page is an amazing resource for doctors, specialists, schools and just random questions. I’ve gone to a few events over the past year including the Resource Fair, Annual Casino Fundraiser and the playground date in Elyria. Also, I have met the most amazing group of moms and it was through Connecting for Kids.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?

The Resource Fair was great- there were many things I didn’t know were available, including the barber and adaptive baseball. I also love the sensory packs you could get from the library that I found out about through Connecting for Kids.

The best way I asked for support was...

By talking to other parents and learning as much as I could about the different services and schools that are available for my child.

How parenting a child who struggles has changed my ideas on parenting...

I had very clear ideas on how I would parent until I had my son! I am still in the process of figuring it all out but I have become more patient, more flexible, more appreciative of the small calm moments and more willing to go outside of my preconceived ideas of what parenting should look like.

The hardest thing for me to learn was...

I am still in the process of learning this but not to worry about typical milestones or compare my child to others his age. To celebrate his successes big and small, exactly where he is. To see him for him and remember his path will be different and that is okay.

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?

I love Kate Swenson from Finding Coopers Voice

Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?

My son is seven years old and we live in Amherst. He has autism and ADHD and it has changed the scope of our family. But, having a village of moms and families who understand has helped me to find services and also to get him into a new school this year and I am so grateful since I love their approach and what they do. I never would have known about Insight Academy if it wasn’t for Connecting for Kids and these moms!

C.J. has 2 children and lives in Solon.

What do you do to relax?

Listen to music, go for a walk, journal.

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

I'm a short, left-handed, queer, Caucasian, Jewish man, married to a queer woman, with two African American adopted children, all living with ADHD. Being able to advocate for my family is my superpower!

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

From the educational programs to the Facebook groups, Connecting for Kids has provided me with tools, resources, and connection to others for my ever-changing family needs.

How parenting a child who struggles has changed my ideas on parenting...

From an early age, I was a caretaker. Taking care of my mom who had depression and my two younger sisters taught me to be resilient, tough, yet loving and caring. I went to college and graduated with a degree in Early Childhood Education. Caring for and teaching young children gave me true joy. Being a positive male role model in a predominantly female industry was at times difficult. Still, I pressed on. The way their brains were like sponges craving for every bit of knowledge was what drove me forward. Flash forward 13 years, I'm married and thinking about children. I knew I wouldn't have biological children but how children fit into our lives was unknown. We started foster parent classes and knew it would be a long hard road ahead. The adoption agency we worked with, was known for providing intensive training specializing in severely abused, neglected, and traumatized children. What we didn't know is that we would change from foster parenting classes to adoption and be matched with brothers ages 2 and 4. While learning to be a family we realized the needs of both children were severe. Our 4-year-old was behind educationally and had big feelings he couldn't verbalize. Our 2-year-old was doing excellent educationally but struggled with sensory, speech, and basic movements. Having two very different but high-needs children as a new parent forced me to throw out everything, I thought I knew about children, development, and basic needs. My ideas of what a typical child should or could do did not apply to either one of my children. As we navigated through countless services, appointments, and care providers, I became an excellent advocate. My children are now 8 and 10 and still have very different needs. We’ve been through hospitalizations, therapists, treatments, and assessments. No matter how much education a person has, there is no book for real-life experiences or lack of resources for your unique needs. Connecting for Kids has been a great resource for our family. The parenting groups, educational programs, Facebook groups, and the very kind and personable staff has helped us navigate some difficult times.

The hardest thing for me to learn was...

Admitting I didn't have to do it alone. Tapping my wife in when things just got too hard or simply searching and asking for help. Help for my immediate needs and my emotional well-being. I don’t have to take on the stress of four people alone. People want to help but they need to be clued in. Pretending I have it all together or not allowing others in not only pushes people away, but it also doesn’t open up the door for them to ask for help. We’re all just bumbling around doing the best we can.

The best thing about parenting a child who struggles is...

Overcoming the hurdles together. Difficult days won't last forever and when I see a smile, get an impromptu hug, or a simple I love you, every bit of anger, sadness, tear was well worth it. Deep down I know that the struggles we share are only surface level. There are so many internal and unknown struggles we haven't and may never get to but showing up, being there, means they will never have to do it alone.

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?

Positive Education Program (PEP), Transracial Journeys, Understood and any book by Dr. Hallowell.

Agnieszka K. has 2 children and lives in Bedford Heights.

What do you do to relax?

Yoga and meditation

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

I’m a working mom, a huge advocate for my children and a nature lover.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

One of the amazing benefits brought to us was definitely a network of parents, professionals and resources available to my family.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?

I absolutely love virtual support groups, they have been a great source of information and additional knowledge. I have learned a lot about self-care. Speaker Series have been a great source of useful tools, we are still using the behavioral chart I received during a Behavior Chat program. I had a chance to take my son to one of the Play at the Playground events, meet new families and make new friends.

If I could go back in time and talk to myself the day we got the diagnosis I would say...

I would say that no matter what, the love for your child will never change. The motherly love would be the one constant that will always be the same. The love for your child will be a common denominator for everything you will do. I would tell myself to buckle up for a very bumpy and full of unpredictable turns roller coaster ride. I would also tell myself to surround myself with a village of people willing to be there for you, because you will need it. I would also tell myself to take one day at a time, to stay focused and never ever lose hope. Our children deserve a chance and as their parents, we always have to be their voice. I would also tell myself that it is OK to "find your own outlet" which will allow you to decompress. I often see so many parents burned out...neglecting their own needs... It took me a long time to realize that my mental/emotional wellbeing also needs attention and that self-care matters.

What I worry about most…

What will happen when I am gone. What my son's life is going to look like ...is he going to be happy? I have an amazing daughter who loves her brother to pieces. She has been always there for her brother, always loving him unconditionally and giving up herself so he can get more help. But as she gets older I want her to be able to pursue her own dreams, to live her life to the fullest- she deserves nothing less. I worry that when I am gone she will have to face many new challenges and gain many additional responsibilities. I hope and pray that her love for her brother will never change and that she will be able to find balance.

The hardest thing for me to learn was...

Finding balance between work, home, and marriage. Getting a diagnosis has consumed me as a whole. It flipped my life upside down. This definitely put a strain on many relationships in my life. I lost many friends along the way, my marriage took a big hit...my other child was neglected. It took me a long time and a lot of wonderful people I've met to realize that finding balance is not easy, but it is definitely possible. Am I there? Probably not yet but I'm working towards finding what "obtaining balance" would mean for me and my family...one step at a time.

Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?

Never say never. The sky is the limit for what our children can achieve...and just because they see the world differently does not make it any less valuable and beautiful.

Alison has 2 children and lives in Bay Village.

What do you do to relax?

Cook, walk, breathe

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

It has helped me meet with other parents and I have used resources from the website.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?

The CFK Service Provider Directory although I love meeting people when possible. 

The area where I have grown the most...

Patience and not taking it personally or feeling like it is a reflection on me as a parent when my daughter acts out.

The bad habit I picked up...

Giving into my daughter to avoid a meltdown. My older son is a typical child and I rarely did that with him.

What I worry about most…

My daughter's future as she will never be able to live independently.

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?

I have started going to a support group which meets one Tuesday night a month at Bay Presbyterian church which I like.

Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?

Just that it is a journey- there is no end or magic cure for my daughter's challenges so patience and acceptance are key for me.

Chris has one child and lives in Macedonia.

What do you do to relax?

Yoga, hiking, reading

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

I am passionate about promoting brain-based, heart-centered approaches to helping all kids. I think this is the key to repairing our society,

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

We’ve enjoyed the opportunity to connect with other families, such as with the Play at the Playground outings, yoga, etc. I can’t describe how nice it is to spend time around people who understand us and can relate to our challenges.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?

Probably the online community. I learn so much from reading through questions I would never have even thought of and the wonderfully informed answers they get.

The area where I have grown the most...

Is in my patience. I was always known to be pretty uptight with a short fuse. But having a kid who is the same was like looking in a mirror and I eventually realized something had to change. I sensed first that we needed to keep our environment more calm, but I didn’t know how. Umpteen books and Facebook groups later, I learned how to see the whys behind our reactions to things and have gotten into the habit of stepping back and saying, “OK, I think I’m feeling anxious about…”. And now I’m teaching my child the same thing.

How parenting a child who struggles has changed my ideas on parenting…

It has been truly transformative. I used to believe in a no-nonsense authoritarian style of child rearing that was sure to shape the blank slate of a youngster into a model citizen. Ha! It was only a few years in when I found myself completely baffled and realizing that children are born uniquely themselves and that I needed to rethink everything. Learning the neurology behind behavior was what did it for me. Understanding the roles of the amygdala and the child’s still-forming frontal lobe brought to light why I was seeing the behaviors I did and what to do so my child’s brain could send himself messages of safety and calm.

The most difficult part of parenting a child who struggles...

Is having to live in a society that still values sameness and very old-world approaches to parenting/teaching. We just don’t fit in with a lot of that and even though our lives are inherently good at this point, it’s hard to live among the “normal” families who stay clumped together and only make the occasional goodwill gesture toward the neurodivergent community. It can be a lonely life, but we’re slowly finding our community.

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?

Here are my absolute favorites…

Books/authors:

Mona Delahooke’s Beyond Behaviors, Stuart Shanker’s Self Reg, anything by Ross Greene, anything by Dan Siegel/Tina Payne Bryson.

Facebook groups/pages:

Greg Santucci Occupational Therapist, Tilt Parenting, Calm the Chaos Parenting by Lemon Lime Adventures, CFK Families (of course!)

Twitter:

Not an Autism Mom, The MEHRIT Centre, Kelly Mahler, Stuart Shanker, Dr. Mona Delahooke

Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?

I always say it’s not so much a journey but a pilgrimage. But through it all, we’re becoming some pretty strong, amazing people who are raising strong, amazing kids!

Annette has 3 children and lives in Olmsted Falls.

What do you do to relax?