Jessica is the mom of two children from Garfield Heights.
 
What do you do to relax?
Pray, read, dance and spend time with friends.
 
What else would you like to tell us about yourself?
We moved to Cleveland in 2015 from Dallas.
 
What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?
Behavior management, autism resources, play techniques and valuable friendships.
 
Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?
Teach Me to Play and the Coffee and Chat about marriage.
 
If I could go back in time and talk to myself the day we got the diagnosis I would say...
it is important to trust yourself. There is no harm in seeking out perspective on your child. The diagnosis confirmed my initial suspicion. I had suspected something different about our daughter for at least one year. She did not like to play, repeated phrases, had a photographic memory, would have intense meltdowns, needed routines and did not make eye contact. Most people were sure it was normal behavior but I had a hunch. I am grateful that I trusted myself to pursue questions with doctors, teachers, and professionals. The diagnosis is scary but opens the door to help and have a better understanding of my child.
 
What I worry about most…
My daughter’s future for long term growth and success on the spectrum. Will she date or marry? Will she be independent or have to have an aide? Will she understand danger in each stage of life? Will she be bullied? Will her speech improve?
 
The best thing about parenting a child who struggles is...
I am part of an incredible network of parents and have so many resources for Autism spectrum support. I am not the only one in this struggle and relieved to have others I can turn to who are in similar situations and understand.
 
Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?
Finding Coopers Voice
Key Ministry
Color of Autism
 
Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?
Every day, I am learning something interesting and new. The journey continues every second, minute, hour, day by day.

With summer break just around the corner, many families are looking for ways to keep their children reading and avoid the summer slide. While there are a number of paid tutoring options and camps, you just can’t beat free summer reading programs from your local library.

What is a Library Summer Reading Program?

Library summer reading programs typically seek to incentivize children for reading. At the beginning of the program, children are given a reading log where they are encouraged to track reading (either by recording minutes read or book titles). Once certain goals are reached (for example, 100 minutes read), children can return to the library to earn a prize (stickers, pencils, an entry for a raffle, etc.).

Most of our library partners offer summer reading programs for elementary-aged children and many offer programs for teens and adults too so that you can get the whole family reading!

What if My Child is a Struggling Reader?

Signing up for a summer reading program can be daunting if your child struggles with reading. However, most librarians will agree that summer reading is all about getting your child into books – not whether they can become an avid reader in just three months. If you are in doubt about the targets, talk to your children’s librarian and see if there are ways you can modify the targets for your child. For example, our librarian helped us find high-interest, low readability (hi-lo) titles that my daughter would enjoy. She also suggested that we take turns reading every other page to avoid fatigue. Just remember – your librarian wants your child to be successful and he or she is there to help!

Where Can I Find a Program?

Libraries throughout Northeast Ohio are offering summer reading programs. You can sign up for one or more (depending on what motivates your child). The following libraries are also Connecting for Kids partners (who offer adapted storytimes). We encourage you to check them out!

Avon Lake Public Library (website)
Libraries Rock! Summer Reading Program (kicks off June 1)

Akron-Summit County Public Library (website)
Mind Body & Sole Summer Reading Program (kicks off June 4)

Cuyahoga County Public Library (website)
Libraries Rock! Summer Reading Program (kicks off June 2)

Elyria Public Library System (website)
Libraries Rock! Summer Reading Program (kicks off June 2)

Lakewood Public Library (website)
Libraries Rock! Summer Reading Program (see page 46) (kicks off May 14)

Rocky River Public Library (website)
Libraries Rock! Summer Reading Program (kicks off June 11)

Westlake Porter Public Library (website)
Libraries Rock! Summer Reading Program (kicks off May 31)

Even More Opportunities!

If your child really loves books, Barnes & Noble Bookseller also offers a summer reading program where children can earn a free book. Details can be found on their website.

By Karla Fitch

Three summers ago, we dragged on through a seemingly endless summer vacation of tantrums, meltdowns and frustrated shouts of “I don’t KNOW what to do!” Even now, at 10 years old, my daughter’s lagging development in executive function can make unstructured time a challenge – which is why we use a technique that I call “collaborative scheduling.”

A collaborative schedule is exactly what it sounds like. My daughter and I collaborate to get important things done and then fill the rest of our days with our favorite activities. And while it may sound too good to be true, it works. In this article, I’ll introduce you to collaborative scheduling – including some basics you need to have in place to make it work and share some tips to get started. 

Taking Turns, “Must Do’s” and Visual Schedules

Before you can start making up your first collaborative schedule, there are a few basics that you may have to square away. These are:
•    Taking Turns
•    Must Do’s (and Want to Do’s)
•    Visual Schedules

Many children (both with and without disabilities) struggle with turn taking. In our case (as with many others) this was a skill that had to be taught. To teach my daughter turn taking, we presented opportunities (for example, using board games) and gave her lots of praise when she got it right. Timers, modeling and social stories can also be great tools to help children get it right.

Another big factor in collaborative scheduling are “must do’s” and “want to do’s.” After all, we’d ALL love to spend the day at the beach – but laundry, groceries and work still have to be done. To teach must do’s and want to do’s, we used card sorting activities. We printed up cards showing both types of activities and sorted them into piles. As we learned, we shuffled ideas in and out of the card deck until my daughter could categorize them all herself. You can see some samples of the cards we used here.

Finally, you’ll need to have some familiarity with visual schedules and what works for your child. Some children may already be using visual schedules at school, so don’t be afraid to ask your child’s teacher for advice. You can also look online (Google “visual schedule” for ideas). Just remember that the schedule you choose has to work for you and your child. When in doubt – keep it simple!

Making Your First Collaborative Schedule

We begin each day the same. I take out a sheet of scrap paper and my daughter and I list all of our must do’s (examples might include, “go to the grocery store,” “visit grandma and grandpa,” and my personal favorite, “10 minutes of quiet time”). After we’ve made a list of must do’s, we start naming our want to do’s (for example, “go to the pool” or “make a craft”) and make a separate list of those.

I flip the paper over and draw three lines (breakfast, lunch and dinner) and then we start to fill in our must do’s. We talk about our choices as we go. For example, I might say “going to the grocery store is a must do before lunch because we have no bread for sandwiches.” I let my daughter ask questions and add her input too, like “mom, all the must do’s are in the morning! Can’t we do something fun?”

Once our must do’s are on the schedule, we take turns filling in our want to do’s until we have a full day. We’ve learned that not every want to do gets on the schedule for the day, but there’s always room for it on the next day. This kind of give and take also helps to model priorities for my daughter. For example, I can say, “we didn’t get to do a craft yesterday and I know that was important to you. Let’s give that want to do a higher priority on our schedule tomorrow so that we have time for it.”

Last Words

Your collaborative schedule won’t happen overnight. It’s a learning experience that will take time and a little patience to perfect. But after three summers of collaborative scheduling, I can tell you that our summers are filled with a lot fewer tantrums and a lot more good memories.

If you’d like to learn more details about the different pieces of our collaborative schedule process, you can visit the website we created to share our story at collaborativeschedule.com Good luck this summer and happy scheduling!

Monica is the mom of two children from Avon.

What do you do to relax?
I love to bake, volunteer within my community, and spend time with my family.

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?
I work part-time for the City of Avon as the Mayor's Court Clerk and I am currently pursuing my degree in Public Administration. I also work PRN for Fairview Hospital in the Pediatric Emergency Department. I love working with kids!

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?
It has connected me to a whole network of parents and caregivers who understand the stresses and struggles of raising a child with special needs. It has made me more aware of resources for my child and keeps me updated on ever changing information related to autism spectrum disorder.

Which have been one of your favorite resources?
Some of my favorite resources offered by CFK are the Coffee and Chat, Meet and Greets, and the variety of Speaker Series offered. My husband and I were lucky enough to see Temple Grandin speak at Playhouse Square and have sign and dedicate one of her books to our son Evan.

What I worry about most…
I worry most about the future and what resources will be available when our son ages out of school-based services. We struggle with not knowing what lies ahead but remind ourselves often that we can only take it day by day.

How parenting a child who struggles has changed my ideas on parenting...
Nobody hands you a manual after diagnosis and says, "hear is everything you need to know about parenting your special needs child". Parenting is altered to fit the needs of the child. Once our son was diagnosed, I wanted to know EVERYTHING about Autism. I knew right away that we had to be his advocates and his voice. In order to move forward and be the best advocate, you have to change the way you think. "How can I educate myself on my child's diagnosis?" and “How can I get the maximum resources for my child to have the best quality of life?” Set small goals for your child and celebrate all of the accomplishments and milestones. Your whole way of thinking has to change as a parent. Instead of saying, "If my child does this", try saying, "WHEN my child does this".

The best thing about parenting a child who struggles is...
Through our journey, our son has taught us patience, compassion, and to never take the little things for granted. Even though there are many struggles, he has made us strive to become a better person. Evan makes an impact on everyone he meets, especially with other peers, caregivers, teachers, and therapists. Everyone we have crossed paths with hold a special place in our hearts. It's rewarding to stay connected with these people and to remind them how much their presence impacted such positive change in our son's life.

Do you have any recommended resources that we can share?
The CFK website is the ultimate “go to” guide for parents at any stage in their journey. They offer a little bit of everything and are excellent at keeping the resources up to date. The grant and scholarship tab has been very helpful to our family and offers opportunities for coverage on therapies that may not be covered by insurance.

Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?
I'm grateful to be a part of the CFK community and hope to spread the word to other parents who struggle. The best thing we have done as parents is reach out and ask for help. Connecting with other families has given us hope for the future.

Elizabeth is the mom of five children from North Olmsted.
 
What do you do to relax?
Workout, listen to music, lay out in the sun, go to the beach, drink coffee and cuddle babies in the NICU.
 
What else would you like to tell us about yourself?
I am a stay at home mom of five children including twin boys, Nicholas and Dominic (10), Sofia (7), Luciano (5) and Livianna (2). I enjoy running, biking and swimming with our children along with playing board games and having family movie nights. My husband and I enjoy date nights.
 
What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?
Connecting for Kids has supported our entire family, from Coffee and Chat programs and the Speaker Series for my husband and myself, to support groups for our kids, to putting a smile on our son’s face who struggles with sensory and behavior issues.
 
Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?
Music Therapy & More and Teach Me to Play.
 
My greatest lesson learned was...
Just because your infant may seem like there is nothing wrong at birth doesn't mean that developmentally everything is OK. It takes time for sensory and behavior issues to show up. So you are never in the clear with thinking that there will never be a diagnosis or issue to deal with down the road with your child.
 
When my child's behavior gets out of control, I feel...
Helpless. It makes me so sad for him that I can't make him or his body feel better when he is so out of control. It breaks my heart to see him so overwhelmed with how his body and brain are feeling due to sensory and behavior issues.
 
The hardest thing for me to learn was...
As a mom, you like to think you can make anything better for your child and can take away their pain.  I can't always make things better for Luca. When you want to hug your child because they are sad, sometimes they don't want to be touched, that is heartbreaking as a parent. 
 
Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?
Yes, that I have been blessed with an amazing husband who has supported me and our children in this journey. Keeping that marriage strong is really difficult to do when you are dealing with a struggling child. We make date nights a priority and our communication is amazing. We support each other and pick each other up when things get really crazy at home, which is ALOT.  We are so thankful and appreciative to Connecting for Kids who offer so many resources and support to help our entire family throughout this journey. 
 

Kelly is the mom of one child from Lakewood

What do you do to relax?
Read.

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?
I am a stay-at-home mom pursuing Master’s degree.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?
We are able to participate in programs, network with other families and attend CFK community events.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?
Teach Me to Play, Music Therapy & More, Adapted Storytimes and the CFK Facebook page for parent referrals.

The area where I have grown the most...
My first negative experience was at my son's first parent teacher conference in preschool. The teacher did not have one kind word to say about my son. She did not have solutions and seemed to be only listing his faults. I did not sleep for days after that meeting with worry and concern. I was afraid of my son struggling and being treated different, not only by classmates but by a teacher. I met with the teacher, insisted on an action plan, pushed and pleaded for her to see my son through my eyes and recognize his strengths, kind heart and unique talents. It was like trying to draw blood from a stone. We had City District school evaluations in which my son was adored and viewed with unending potential. At my son's doctor evaluations, even though I heard things I was afraid of hearing, I was able to return my focus on my son's positive attributes. I realized that sometimes it is just the wrong situation, not enough training/knowledge or the wrong mix of personalities. It is OK to make changes and say goodbye to something you initially thought was a long-term solution. A school might need to place my son on an IEP, but that does not change the fundamentals of who my son is - kind, loving, bright with unending potential. My son has slowed my pace, opened my eyes and enlarged my heart. In a world crying out for more kindness, creative solutions and healing, he is the embodiment of it. I see the irony now in anyone who sees my son as delayed, little potential, not fitting in or odd. And I feel my son has given me a gift to see this same potential in all children and families.

If I could go back in time and talk to myself the day we got the diagnosis I would say...
Don't worry mom, you've got this (most of the time, and those times you aren't on top of it all, are OK too)!

The best thing about parenting a child who struggles is...
My son has made me a better parent, wife, daughter, sister and friend. I am the oldest of five children and grew up babysitting siblings, cousins and neighbors. Babysitting was my part time job as a student in high school and college. I graduated from college and went into business, traveling, conference calls, training, managing a team of 13 people, interacting directly with executives of Fortune 100/500 Companies, etc. I felt like having a baby would be a time to relax and re-group. I guessed the "re-group" part of the equation correctly. My son was a challenge. My son turned out to be a greater learning experience than a meeting with the executives of any top corporation and certainly more than any challenging babysitting job in my past. Not only has my son made me a better parent, but he has made me a kinder and gentler/patient person.

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?
This book helped figuring out a bedtime routine based on age and ability "The Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West

Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?
CFK has been an incredible resource and helped me beyond measure along my journey. CFK continues to be there as I continue to move along the path with my son. Sarah is an inspiration to me. Her team is fantastic.

Lisa Huckins
Education Program Specialist
Ohio Department of Education
Office of NonPublic Educational Options

Many private schools offer financial aid and scholarships to families interested in enrolling.  Parents should talk to the private school about those options.

The Ohio Department of Education also offers scholarships to help families afford tuition at participating private schools or special education service providers. Students assigned to underperforming public schools, students from lower income families and students with special needs may be eligible to receive a scholarship.

General Education Scholarships can help pay for tuition at participating private schools. The scholarship amount is $4650 for grades K – 8 and $6000 for high school. The application deadline for the following programs is April 30:

• The EdChoice Scholarship Program offers students in grades K – 12 the chance to attend private school for little or no cost.  Students attending low performing public schools can qualify for these scholarships regardless of their family income.

• The EdChoice Expansion Scholarship is an income based scholarship for any Ohio student entering kindergarten through 5th grade whose family income is at or below 200 percent of the federal poverty guidelines.

• The Cleveland Scholarship Program offers scholarships to any child whose family lives in the Cleveland Municipal School District.

Special Education Scholarships can be used to pay for tuition and special education services from participating private schools and service providers. Award amounts are based on the student’s primary disability and range from $7,588 to $27,000. There is no deadline to apply for the following programs:

• The Autism Scholarship Program is open to students whose public school district has found that they qualify for special education with autism as their primary disability.  The student must be at least three years old and have a current Individualized Education Program (IEP) with their public school district.

• The Jon Peterson Special Needs Scholarship Program offers scholarships to students who are eligible to attend kindergarten through grade 12 and have a current Evaluation Team Report (ETR) identifying an educational disability.

Tina is the mother of three from Olmsted Falls.

What do you do to relax?
Read, collect craft supplies that I never use, and clean (just kidding-I hate to clean).

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?
I have three gifted children. Having a gifted child is not like winning the parenting lottery. Gifted children are intense, have strong emotions, and do not necessarily do well in school. Many are 2E (twice-exceptional) and struggle with anxiety, attention, and all of the other diagnoses that bring us all to Connecting for Kids. Having a high IQ does not mean that your life is easy. It simply means that your brain is wired differently than most.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?
Education and support.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?
The annual Meet and Greet. It is like one-stop shopping for every resource I could want.

My greatest lesson learned was...
Picking my battles. I used to think I could control everything. When my first born was a baby, he went through a period of time where he would only look at things to his right. He would look up at me during feedings and turn towards a sudden sound, but then go back to looking to his right. Then one day he just stopped. All of sudden he would be just as likely to be looking left as he was to be looking right. Who knows why? I have realized that I am no match for that kind of single-minded determination and that I had better save my energy for the things that really matter, like wearing pants to the grocery store.

The area where I have grown the most...
Advocating for my children. No one knows better than I do who my children are and what they are capable of achieving. Before we decided to send our son to Kindergarten early we asked his preschool teacher her opinion. She recommended against early entrance based on my son’s emotional outbursts and anxiety. My gut told me that keeping my child from doing the school work that his brain craved was not going to help his intense emotions or feelings of anxiety. In my experience, most people expect gifted children to be bright, high achieving students, not the quirky, intense, sometimes pain-in-the-butt people they actually are.

The bad habit I picked up...
When I tell someone that my children are gifted I immediately list things that they don’t do well. I have had so many experiences where people reacted badly, as if I was insulting their child by saying mine is gifted, that I want to let them know that I am not bragging. So I’ll say something like, “Yes, my son is nine years old and taking Geometry, but he can’t ride a bicycle.”

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?

• Menlo Park Academy
  

• Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope with Explosive Feelings by Christine Fonseca
  

• Your Rainforest Mind
  

• Hoagies' Gifted Education Page
  

•  Gifted Development Center
  

Krista is the mother of two from North Ridgeville.
 
What do you do to relax?
Read books and shop/browse at bargain/thrift stores.
 
What else would you like to tell us about yourself?
I have two sons both are special needs. They have different challenges. I am blessed to have a supportive family. I am thankful for special needs programs and organizations like CFK to gain insight and knowledge from others to help my husband and I best help our boys.
 
What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?
I am able to connect with other parents to give and receive advice and tips. It is this mutual support that helps as there are moments or days that can extremely challenging.
 
Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?
Our schedule is hectic with therapies and appointments. Online support has been a huge help and the resource we utilize the most.
 
If I could go back in time and talk to myself the day we got the diagnosis I would say...
Do not worry about what other people think. You need to be your kids' best advocate. Trust your gut and do whatever you have to without worrying how others will feel/react (therapists/teachers/doctors etc.) If you feel they aren't helping or don't agree with something, speak up and make changes or decisions to help your kids.
 
How parenting a child who struggles has changed my ideas on parenting...
There is no right or wrong way to parent. You just find out what works and approach it in whatever way that works best for you. What is considered typical isn't always realistic and doesn't need to be. I always say our life is our "normal" and it may not be right for other families but it is what works for us. I used to think let's get through life one day at a time...now it's more like one minute. Often times parenting two kids who struggle is overwhelming and you just have to deal with what is happening right that second, move on to the next and so on.
 
The hardest thing for me to learn was...
Stop comparing my children to others. Every child is unique and different and what works for one doesn't always work for another.

By Judith L. Pitlick, MA, LPCC
Hanna Perkins Center for Child Development
www.hannaperkins.org

Four-year-old Michael was misbehaving. The teacher, Mr. Carpenter, was speaking quietly to him, helping with feelings the young boy could not express verbally.

“Michael, if you are missing mommy and feeling sad, we can talk about her and make her a picture,” he said. “You can miss mommy and still feel like a big schoolboy who can manage and be safe.”

Nearby, Alex had been watching this interaction out of the corner of his eye while building with blocks. Unexpectedly he lashed out and knocked down the building of the girl working next to him. While the little girl howled, Alex appeared unconcerned about what he had done and continued building.

The assistant teacher intervened. After hearing the girl’s side of the story, she turned to Alex and asked, “Are you angry at her?” Alex refused to speak, then teared up and put his head down. It was only when Mr. Carpenter approached that he looked up, ready to speak. “I wanted you to help me with my feelings,” he said.

Both in the classroom and at home, young children need help learning the “language of feelings.” Addressing a child’s behavior (what he or she is doing) is different from addressing feelings (what he or she is experiencing on the inside).

As adults, we tend to focus on the doing instead of the feeling. It takes extra time to help a child listen to the feeling inside, and find a constructive way to express it.

We might think we already know how a child feels, but often the child surprises us. Alex seemed angry and unfeeling, but inside he was longing and hurting. His teachers might have thought he acted out because he wanted attention, but they took the time to find out Alex was really asking for some kindness and compassion.

He saw Michael receive comfort and consolation from Mr. C, and Alex wanted the same for himself. He just needed some help to understand what his strong feelings meant – and some guidance on a better way to express them.

Learning points

• Help the child figure out ways to express feelings safely: Use words, get a hug, take a walk.
• Help the child with difficult feelings while you are calm.
• Praise the child for using words instead of acting out.
• Help the child label specific feelings: happy, sad, jealous, mad, excited, surprised, lonely, hurt, scared…
• Trust that when the child knows the words for feelings, he or she will use them – though it may take practice and require gentle reminders.
• Upset and anger directed at a child creates more upset and anger.
• Remember, the adult is always the model for the child.