Common Childhood Behavior Challenges

This list includes some of the most common childhood behavior challenges families face. Most children will experience some of the challenges on this list as part of their healthy development.

• Aggression, including kicking/hitting, destroying things, fighting or shouting
• Defiance, including willful rule breaking or refusing adult direction
• Difficulty with transitions
• Lying or blaming others
• Making and keeping friends, including having little interest in peers or poor social skills
• Poor impulse control (for example, speaking out of turn or taking things that don’t belong to them)
• Problems with daily living activities, including toileting, eating, or sleeping
• Resolving conflicts (for example, with peers or siblings)
• Seeking lots of attention or reassurance from adults
• Separating from caregivers (for example, at school drop-off)

Note: Some of these behaviors are more common in kids with attention issues, anxiety, sensory differences or other disabilities/mental health concerns.

Questions to Ask

Once you have identified a challenging behavior (either from the list above or elsewhere), there are four questions that can help you to decide if you need more help.

1. How dangerous is the behavior? (safety)

As parents and/or caregivers, our most important job is to keep our children safe. If your child’s behavior is dangerous to themselves, to you or to others, it’s a good idea to seek help right away.

2. How often does it happen? (frequency)

To learn how often a behavior is happening, families sometimes use tallies. Keep a paper where you can easily reach it and make a mark each time you see the behavior.

You can also use an ABC Checklist to keep track of details, including what happened before and after the behavior.

Keep in mind that children with attention issues, anxiety, or other disabilities/mental health concerns can sometimes repeat challenging behavior – even when they know it’s a problem.

3. How long does it last? (duration)

Children use behavior to learn and communicate. For example, toddlers have tantrums when they don’t get their way.

When common childhood behaviors seem to last longer than with other kids, it can be a sign that your child needs more help. If your child does not have siblings that you can compare, it can help to discuss the duration of your child’s behavior with their primary care provider (PCP).

Children with sensory differences or anxiety may need extra support to manage challenging behaviors.