by: Bridget S. Richard, LISW-S, Owner, Lamplight Counseling Services, LLC

Bullies are everywhere. Even as adults we run into people who use aggression to influence others and get their way. Though most parents want to protect their children from bullies we can’t always be with them. The next best thing is to enable your child to handle a bully with assertiveness skills.

Bystander awareness teaches us how to assert ourselves if someone else is in a helpless situation. Teaching our children about bystander awareness empowers them not only to avoid confrontation but gives them the tools they need if they, or anyone they know, is in a dangerous situation.

These skills can be broken down into 4 steps C.A.R.E.

Create a Distraction: Your child can start a new game which will bring others closer to them. They can walk up to the person, while ignoring the bully and state that the teacher or principal needs to speak with them…right now!

Alert Authority: School counselors, teachers, principals, and resource officers are all good resources for when situations get out of hand. You can ask to have desks moved, lunch times changed or other accommodations which will separate your child from the person they are having trouble with.

Redirect: Try using 'fogging' to deflect the bully. Fogging means making a joke or funny comment that makes it seem you don't care about what the bully said. You can also pretend to agree with the person. For example, you could say something like, "Guess you must be right", or "Well, since I'm such a …. I’ll just go, bye."

Engage Others: It’s hard to stand up to a bully alone, and they know it. Therefore, helping your child to develop a peer group within and/or outside of school is so important. When children have other people their age to rely on it is difficult for a bully to make them feel isolated.

If your child needs help with a bully or with learning assertiveness, reach out. There are many wonderful programs which are ready to assist them.