Jennifer is from Westlake and has two boys.

What do you do to relax?

Sew, cook/bake

What else would you like to tell us about yourself?

I am a single mom.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?

CFK helped me figure out the steps to take to get both my boys a formal diagnosis. CFK helped me find resources to help THEM thrive at school and at home.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?

The Resource Fair to find local classes/camps/therapists was invaluable. And the Speaker Series parent education sessions are great too.

My greatest lesson learned was...

We are all doing the best we can with the resources available to us. Seeking access to better resources is the key to growth and change.

How parenting a child who struggles has changed my ideas on parenting...

Before I had kids. I thought I knew what parents "should" do and how children "should" behave. Then I had kids. The first couple of years seemed to fall in line with my uninformed expectations. My children seemed to grow and behave similarly to those of my sister's and my peer's children. That is, until they didn't anymore.

I remember vividly going to a preschool concert for my youngest son — he was almost 4 at the time — and all the other children were happily singing along to the Christmas carols. He, however, was sitting on the floor quietly rocking back and forth with his hands over his ears not participating, no matter how the adults tried to coax him to stand up. I was, at first, terribly embarrassed and ashamed. I thought everyone would now know that I was a terrible mother and that I couldn't control my child. It was all my fault. But in that moment, something snapped in me. I was somehow able to shake off my own ego and realize this had zero to do with me, and everything to do with him. It was right after that day I started asking for help. Sarah was just getting CFK off the ground back then and she was a fount of knowledge. She helped me figure out how to get started getting a diagnosis for my son. Then, helped me find therapists for him, get me on the road to getting accommodations at school for him, and help me figure out his second diagnosis a few years later.

My biggest parenting "ah-ha" moment happened at that concert that winter day. I came to realize that judging yourself or others on how a child "should" behave is 100% rooted in your own insecurities and fear, which does nothing to serve the child. Parenting children who struggle has given me a wealth of compassion for all children who are misunderstood. Surprisingly, it's also allowed me to understand and have deep empathy for those outspoken, judgmental people who secretly live in fear of being judged too.

The hardest thing for me to learn was...

The hardest thing for me to learn — and, believe me, I still have to revisit this all the time— is to step back and let my children struggle and grow on their own timeframe.

Yes, growth comes from overcoming obstacles. Yes, learning through doing is key. Yes, the end goal is having the kids function independently. And yes, change takes time. But that doesn't make it easier for me to sit back and watch them struggle with their issues while having big emotions and not always swoop in to take the weight off their shoulders and make it all better. Because that's a temporary fix. It doesn't make the situation better. It just makes ME feel better in the moment.

So instead, I've learned to celebrate the small, incremental victories with them. And over time, we've been able to look back and say "WOW!! Look how far you've come!"

Do you have any recommended resources such as blogs, websites, or books that we can share?

We loved the books by Julia Cook. Lots of great topics. The Social Detective series was great too. And Whole Body Listening Larry is another favorite.

Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?

My kids are growing now and are close to aging out of CFK. My oldest son was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression in 3rd grade. He's 13 now and doing great! And my youngest son was diagnosed with SPD combined with auditory processing issues at age 5, and then ADHD at age 7. He's 11 now and is also thriving. We used a lot of resources found through CFK to get to where we are now. We are forever grateful for CFK's commitment to helping parents who don't know where to turn.